The great Kenneth Williams told this story on Michael Parkinson’s talk show.
A theater company was touring “A Midsummer Night’s Dream” throughout the English country side and it was not doing well. The company faced financial ruin. They decided to find one very large arena, do one last show and make whatever money they could. They chose a sports stadium and because there was a star in the cast the stage manager went to the management and asked what was the best room backstage to give the star actor for his dressing room.
“Oh. that’ll be the umpires room.”
The night of the show the stage manager was going around giving the half hour call.
He knocked on the star’s dressing room and said, ”Half hour, sir.”
No response.
“Half hour, sir.”
No response.
He opened the door.
In the room he saw a table, On the table was a chair. Standing on the chair was the actor standing on his toes with his eye makeup in one hand and a small mirror in the other under the only light source in the room - a bare light bulb coming from the ceiling.
“Are you all right, sir?” the stage manger asked.
“Oh, I’m fine dear boy, but for the life of me I don’t know how these umpires manage.”