Goodnight Larry Kramer.
What a week for Larry Kramer to pass.
I think of all that he was. All that he represented. All that he did.
I think of the times we are living in now.
I saw a matinee of “The Normal Heart” at Center Stage in Baltimore when I was a junior in high school and came out to my parents that same night. What I saw on that stage was courage. Rage. Love. And romance. I saw two men on a date talking about books. I saw myself. And I found the courage to say so.
When I first moved to New York City for the summer during college, I attended my first Pride Parade. A friend invited me to join him in the alternate/protest march. The parade had gotten too commercial - too establishment. It was no longer about the neighborhood and pride. It was no longer about defiance. It was becoming about gay men as a commodity. I joined him.
I found myself marching next to Larry Kramer,
He must have noticed that I was visibly taken back by seeing him and being next to him so he came over to me and patted me on the back. I started to cry. He hugged me and I whispered in his ear, “Thank you.”
He smiled and said, “Just keep it going.”
The tiniest of moments, To treasure for a lifetime.
When I first came out of the closet as a gay man, the darkest days of AIDS were waiting to embrace me. This was way before all the medicinal cocktails that can keep those with HIV looking healthy and strong. I remember the men before that time. Beautiful men reduce to walking skeletons. Bones hanging on skin. AIDS terrified me and I swore to myself it would never be a part of my life. And I had troubles. I met men who weren’t interested in being safe. I once picked a guy up in a bar, brought him home and as things heated up I reached for the condom and he said, “Oh - you are one of those.” He refused to wear it. I ended up kicking him out.
I am now a 51 year old man with a rather satisfying sexual history, memories of beautiful men that I have shared that part of myself with and I never got it. I knew how not to get it.
(Forgive me if I sound preachy. I do not mean to shame anyone. I have had my close calls like many.)
My point is I knew how to best keep myself safe. Because of men like Larry Kramer who got the word out.
Now we find ourselves experiencing a global pandemic. We know the best way to keep ourselves safe.
And still people are not social distancing. Not wearing masks.
Just two days ago, I had to take a long walk through Brooklyn to get an important errand done. I repeatedly saw people walking the streets with no masks and no gloves.
A woman came around the corner with five children. One in a stroller and four walking freely. All under the age of nine, No masks. In Brooklyn! I had had it. I yelled at her.
“No MASKS? You are walking with your children and none of you are wearing masks. Shame on you. Shame on you.”
From that moment, I found myself confronting every person not wearing a mask until I returned home.
Larry Kramer taught me there are times when there are more important things than behaving yourself.
Times when health is a communal responsibility.
And now we are experiencing riots all over this country in response to racial injustice.
In 1987. Larry Kramer was one of the founders of AIDS Coalition to Unleash Power. (ACT UP)
Civil disobedience was its core.
And it succeeded. ACT UP accomplished all of its goals. Their demands were granted.
ACT UP worked because it had demands. The people in power knew what they wanted and therefore knew how to get rid of them. But they didn’t grant these demands overnight. They did it because ACT UP was relentless, committed and willing to go the distance. And they were specific. That’s why it worked..
I look at the protests now. Going back to Occupy Wall street. And I have to ask - what are the demands?
Be specific.
What is it you want?
A riot without a specific purpose may be justified rage released but it will serve no end.
And easily dismissed by the powerful.
You do not protest AGAINST something. You protest FOR something.
And you must be relentless. You do not give in till your demands are met.
The demands may not solve all the problems but then the rage and protest may become symbolic. And through that more change will come.
The powers that be in this country may criticize, shame and dismiss gay men still - but one thing they know for sure - Don’t go too far. Don’t piss us off.
Another consistent thread among all new protests and attempted movements is the lack of leadership. There is no wisdom at the helm.
We had Larry Kramer. And what would he say?
Let the world know what you want.
Be specific.
Be relentless.
There are times when there are more important things then behaving yourself.
And take care of each other.
These are lessons from Larry.
At the end of his life, Larry Kramer was working on a new play in response to the COVID-19 pandemic. He was to call it - “An Army of Lovers Must Not Die.”
Just keep it going.